The 2019 JakeIsAlwaysRight Movie Awards

2019 was a great year for movies, I guess. From movies that we actually gave a shit about (Joker) to stuff that no one seems to be able to shut up about (Avengers) to Disney's attempts to cash in on nostalgia (The Lion King again, Aladdin again, Dumbo again, Jesus fucking Christ) to the more serious entries, there were plenty of contenders for this year's awards. 
Our experts spent hours debating over the minutiae of what constituted a good film, what kind of role was more deserving of an award, and countless other criteria to bring you what we believe is indisputably the most prestigious award list of the year.

We've elected to give the nominees a miss and go straight into the awards because that's more fun.

Ladies and gentlemen, here are your 2019 JakeIsAlwaysRight Movie Award Winners!

Best Special Effects 

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

No surprise that a movie about giant monsters smashing cities would get a special effects award. We particularly enjoyed the parts where they made it look like entire cities were getting smashed to bits when in fact there were no cities smashed to bits during the making of the film.

Best Actor

Godzilla -- Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Criticized in the past for his attempts to venture into more comedic roles, Godzilla revisited his more serious side in this film, bringing back shades of 1954's Godzilla and 1955's Godzilla Raids Again, in which he portrayed a city-stomping menace rather than a kung fu dork in a dinosaur suit. Though he risks being typecast as a giant monster in future films, we're excited to see what the future brings for this scaly leading lad. A true return to form for an underrated actor.

Best Actress 

Mothra -- Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Best known for her previous role of Mothra in Mothra as well as Mothra vs. Godzilla and other classics, she took on the role of Godzilla's love interest in this film as Mothra. Though we must admit (without spoiling the film for you) that a return for the character is unlikely in future films, we've heard spicy rumors of a love triangle involving a giant lamp. Fingers crossed!

Best Supporting Actor

Ghidorah's Left Head (not our left, his left... wait, no, stage left. HIS stage left, not ours. I think... Shit, did I screw this up? Just roll with it.) -- Godzilla: King of the Monsters

That one.. No.. the other one...

We're sure most of you expected this to go to the Right Head and some even put forth a case for the Middle Head to take the award for being a convincing straight man to Righty's humorous portrayal, but we've got to go with Lefty on this one. In our eyes, it's no contest.

Best Supporting Actress

That one lady with the kid who tries to stop the bad guy or whatever -- Godzilla: King of the Monsters

You know, that lady who has her kid with her and stuff and the dude from Game of Thrones makes her let Ghidorah out and then she's like "Oh no what have I done" and whatnot? Yeah, I guess she wins. Can't really think of anyone who deserves it, to be honest. 

Best Picture

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

We polled audiences and critics alike and the results backed up our pick unanimously. 
This film had everything. 
From Godzilla to monsters to stuff getting smashed to bits, it covered the full spectrum of human emotions (and monster emotions). The only criticism we can offer is that it might have been nice for a few more humans to be stomped to death, but they've got to save something for the sequel, right?



Thanks for reading; we're looking forward to next year's awards ceremony where we give every award to Godzilla vs. Kong.